New schedule! Also, Where The Hedge I’ve Been!

Hello! Yes, I am still alive! Okay, there are some changes going on, because there are always changes going on. I’ll announce those for you up here. That way, if you just want the new schedule, you don’t have to wade through my miasma of stammered excuses and questionable grammatical decisions. However, I will still be providing that afterwards. To the schedule!

I’ll be gaming on Twitch. It’s easier and faster. You can follow that link to my channel. Most weekdays, I’ll be casting by 18:00 MST. This semester, I have class Tuesday evening, so I’ll be stuck in the flesh-world. I’m going to try and schedule a long cast on Friday nights, but if that falls through, then you can expect me on Saturday. Should that fail, then I’m either being kidnapped, Helping Elderly-Looking People, or I’m on vacation. I’ll let you know ahead of time.

I’m re-purposing my YouTube channel. Since Twitch is handling my game-streaming, I want to start putting together video reviews and shorts for YouTube. It’s something I’ve experimented with in the past. I’ve still got a lot to learn, but it’s time to dip another toe in the water. What? No experimentation metaphor about tentacled monsters? Exactly. I’m pulling a serious-face on this one.

This blog, which I will spare you the link to, is going to switch to a bi-weekly release schedule. Once a fortnight is the current plan, but I’m hoping to get back up to a weekly Wednesday release as I get back into the groove of writing, attending University and doing all of the above.

That’s going to be the norm around here for a while. I look forward to seeing what the forthcoming deluge of game releases has to offer. Please be good, Alien: Isolation, please… Everything that follows is solipsistic bullshi… an in-depth look at this last month of silence.

As you may have noticed, I haven’t been posting recently. The reason why is worth a whole post on its own, but I realized that I didn’t want to spend a post on that, then write another post about the new schedule. I want to get back to the reason we’re here: games and horror, and the love thereof. You still deserve an explanation if you want one, though, so I’m going to try to condense the last month of my life into as small a space as possible.

I haven’t been doing very well, my friends. This last little while has been a time of great doubt. And when in doubt, I’ve always preferred to stay silent, observe and think. So, you can probably infer that things are going much better, because I’m yammering on again. Still, it’s not like I stopped writing.

I was ghost-writing for a business over the summer, and part of my job was to research ghost stories. One of those stories was the story of Lady Anne. She was a real person, but the ghost-story isn’t accurate. I know because I spent a long time researching her, spooling through websites and records to find the traces of her existence. While I was working, two things struck me pretty hard: the tenuous grasp we have on our legacies and the responsibility I have as a writer to record the truth and communicate clearly. It’s hard not to feel that way when you’re hunting furiously through foot-notes for the true traces of someone you’ve heard many vivid stories about. I had a lot of “I know you existed, where are you” sort of moments.

And you know how much I love existential horror, so I spent a while seriously considering what I’m doing here and what I should do here. I was silent for a while, because I felt that the lost life I had brushed up against deserved some serious reflection, not only for itself, but also for the billions of others that have gone, unrecorded, into the night. Then, in the Twitter-verse, the GamerGate broke. I wasn’t very active outside of the projects I was working on while I was thinking about all of this, so I didn’t hear about it until it was at least a week in. By then, it was a morphing mass of rhetoric and passion.

I dug through the evidence I could find and came to my conclusions about the whole thing. I shared the information I felt was relevant, but I didn’t want to propagate the hashtag. I couldn’t do it in good conscience while people were being so seriously harassed. However, I could only take that privileged position because of the individuals fighting for civility, clear communication and compassion. Those individuals have my attention for life. I’d put a list here, but I feel it would be tacky and you’ll see enough of them on my feed. As you’ll remember, a portion of that movement was legitimately concerned with journalistic integrity in games journalism. On top of the ghost-story business, it made me stop to consider what my responsibility was to my fellow gamers.

Okay, I know that word means a lot of things to a lot of people; to me, it means people that love playing games. There are plenty of adjectives you can stick on there if there’s a specific portion of the population that needs to be addressed. You can have a different definition — that’s cool — but when I say it, that’s what I mean. That being said, what do I owe people that love games?

Well, nothing more than my love of games, really, but that means something. That means that I need to push myself when I explore this medium. That means learning how to do things that both intimidate and frighten me. (Seriously, video-editing looks like sorcery, sometimes) And that means taking care of myself so that I’m not a miserable dip-shit while I do it. (I’m working on that.)

So, I think I’m ready now. I’ll start posting again. I have some hunches about kinaesthetic projection that I’d really like an excuse to research, but I don’t want to get too self-indulgent on my blog. It’s not all about me. In the spirit of that sentiment, to quickly summarize, I wasn’t sure what I should do, so I tried to work through the doubt. It seems pretty endless, though. Now, I’m just gonna use it as a compass for my curiosity.

Onwards, into the Sea of Doubt! I’ll see you on the other side.

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